


Two Minus One (Phan)

by thegirlwholikestowrite



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Breakup, Dan Has A Breakdown, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving Out, Multi, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil has another realtionship, Phil is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:51:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3762121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwholikestowrite/pseuds/thegirlwholikestowrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's demons start to taunt him again. Phil is no help. Things get worse when Phil confesses his secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Minus One (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> Talk by Kodaline.  
> It sort of inspired me.

Looking at him slowly became a painful labor. His bright blue eyes Dan had fallen in love with were no longer a place to seek comfort in. His kisses weren't as sweet, his smile was distant.  
Phil wasn't Phil anymore.  
Dan mainly preferred to stay by himself, made up excuses so that he wouldn't have to sleep with Phil.  
His anxiety grew. He had countless sleepless nights when he worried out of his mind.  
Being scared of messing things up aside, he had noticed how different Phil was. It broke him to see the love of his life change in front of his eyes.  
It was another similar night, just like all the others, Dan had said he needed to edit something. He went to his room and turned off the light.  
Tiptoeing to his bed, he felt the warm tears streaming down his face.  
He swallowed thickly. It had been a long time since his last panic attack. And with Phil like this, he had no one to ask help.  
He tried to calm himself. His breath caught in his throat. Tears wouldn't stop and his chest ached.  
He crawled to the window, rushing to get some air. After a couple of minutes of pure agony, he managed to get out of his room for a glass of water.  
Phil was in the lounge and he could see the light coming from the TV screen. He heard Phil yell loudly. He was cussing.  
It was strange, just like every other thing Phil did differently, his profanity also scared Dan.  
This was not Phil.  
This is not my Phil, he thought.  
The Phil he knew was cheerful, he didn't make you want to scream at the top of your lungs every minute of the day. The Phil he knew wasn't always nervous, he was down to earth and calm.  
This Phil was none of those things.  
He filled the cup with ice cold water. His throat burned.  
For a second he found himself staring to the cereal bowl Phil left on the counter. Milk dropped down from the spoon.  
Phil didn't drink milk.  
He was confused. He felt the cup slip from his hands and the last thing he saw was the pieces of glass scattering around, the loud shattering ringing in his ears.  
"Dan?"  
He kneeled down, pieces of sharp glass cutting into his knee. He picked up the larger pieces, carelessly ignoring the dull pain from the bleeding cuts.  
He looked up to see Phil standing with a shirt on he has never seen before. It was dark grey with black patterns.  
Phil never wore dark clothing.  
"You okay?"  
He shrugged and anxiously nodded.  
"It just slipped, I guess. I'll clean it up in a bit."  
Phil raised his eyebrows but didn't question Dan, didn't help dan clean it or at least tend to the cuts.  
After he was done with it, he washed his cuts. Not even bothering to put a band aid, he went to the lounge.  
Phil was playing sonic, and from the looks of it he wasn't enjoying it very much.  
"Hey Phil?"  
He nodded, without paying the slightest attention to dan, he muted the game.  
"Is there something you want to talk about?"  
Phil sighed and put down the controller, looking up to Dan with a sad expression.  
He looked tired.  
And old.  
"Actually yes."  
He motioned dan to sit next to him and placed his hand on Dan's knee.  
Dan didn't bother to pull away. It felt nice and like Phil.  
"What are we?"  
Dan was confused.  
"What?"  
Phil didn't find it necessary to explain.  
"I mean what are we? Flat mates ? Friends? Boyfriends? Two strangers pretending to like each other for advertisement?"  
The last one hurt.  
Dan never thought of them that way.  
"Phil what do you mean?"  
He could feel the tears welling up, he had known this day would come and Phil would leave him.  
It was obviously bound to happen anyway. Who was he kidding, thinking somebody could love him the way he loved them?  
"I mean that... This, what we have, is meaningless. We are just two random British boys who play games and sometimes kiss. It's meaningless. You are meaningless to me."  
"Phil is this some sort of a joke?"  
His throat was burning and the pounding in his ears hurt.  
Phil's words hurt.  
"I am very serious. I am sorry. I didn't know you would react that way. I always thought... That this feeling was mutual. And that we sort of agreed to this whole thing. And that whenever I wanted to end it, i could."  
Dan never knew a heart breaking caused psyhical pain.  
He would have never guessed.  
It always seemed to be a poetic exaggeration.  
It wasn't.  
"End... This? Our relationship? Friendship? Should I pack my stuff? What do you want to do? Phil..."  
Phil pulled his hand away.  
"That's another thing I want to talk about."  
Dan didn't think it could have been worse.  
The most important person in his life was saying that he meant nothing to him. Absolutely nothing.  
It hurt more than any other pain dan had experienced.  
A new kind of pain, he thought. That was exactly what I needed.  
" I have been seeing someone..."  
He paused to check Dan's reaction.  
He felt so empty that he feared his heart broke to so many pieces, it was impossible to be able to feel again.  
"He's nice. He isn't mean or sarcastic like you. And he likes me. I like him. He's from the radio and he sometimes comes over. He is better for me... I don't think I can keep doing this anymore. If you... If you promise me that you will be fine, I am planning on moving in with him."  
Dan was numb.  
He managed to nod quietly before exiting the room. Then the house.  
He walked down the street, clutching his phone, half expecting Phil to call him and tell him it was a mistake, it was a joke.  
He didn't know what to feel or how to feel.  
He felt completely empty and numb.  
He had seen this coming. He should have seen this coming.  
How could he believe that he was worth loving anyways?  
He found himself crying again.  
He knew that any other person would have been angry. Angry at Phil. Angry at the world.  
He wasn't angry.  
He just felt empty.  
That's when he realized Phil was his rock. What held him down when he felt like floating away. Phil was who filled the empty hole inside Dan. He was the heart beat to his silence. He was the hope to his desperation. He was the the sun shining over a bright blue sky to Dan's dark nights.  
Phil was Dan's breath. Phil was Dan's sigh of relief. Phil was Dan's harbor after a night overseas with thunder above. Phil was Dan's light. He kept him away from the shadows of his demons.  
Phil was Dan's anchor. He kept Dan from drifting away. Phil was Dan's oxygen, he kept him alive. Phil was Dan's air, he filled his lungs.filled his heart. Maybe with false hopes and promises. But at least it wasn't empty.  
When Dan met Phil, he was given two choices. Sink? Or swim?  
Now he simply wanted to disappear.  
He didn't want to go home and see Phil packing his stuff. He didn't want to go home, a place that was now empty.  
Home meant relief. It meant love.  
Now it just meant regret.  
He was close to the river. It had started raining. Heavy drops of water mixed with his tears.  
He had this strange longing for something he couldn't quite reach anymore.  
He longed for Phil.  
He knew he always would.  
He knew he would always wake up with this empty feeling. He knew he would always be meaningless just like Phil said.  
He was right after all.  
Without Phil, what was he?  
Phil was his everything. His dreams. His hopes. His heart. His achievements. His life.  
What was left of him when Phil was gone?  
They had said two minus one equaled one.  
It didn't.  
It simply didn't make sense.  
Two minus one equals zero, he mumbled.  
Us minus Phil does not leave me.  
Unless you counted the shattered pieces of him, Dan was simply a reflection of a hopeless nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry I am such an asshole. Phil baby you are my sunshine I DDINT mean to characterize you like a jerk.  
> Plot needed you Phil :((


End file.
